Monday, April 16, 2012

"N" is for Never Again

Never again is the catalyst for change. When someone makes that kind of declaration, then it is absolute that whatever it is will never be tolerated again. No one can talk you out of it. It is not up for discussion. The bridge behind you is ablaze so there is no going back.

I am not good at burning bridges, I am good at devising exit strategies, which goes against the never again mantra. It's almost impossible to be full committed in a direction when it's just as easy to turn around and go back. Never again prevents even a glance back. The weight of glancing back is an overfilled backpack, filled with much  more than the necessities to proceed. Drop the pack and carry on. Never again makes dropping that excess baggage a must. 

Without never again there is very little leverage to change. If there isn't leverage, then you haven't convinced yourself of its necessity. If change isn't a necessity, then it's okay to go on with the way you're living, which may be fine. But if there is something you really want to change, it is imperative to get to the point where you declare: never again!

This is a concept that Tony Robbins talks about, and it is much easier in theory than in practice. I hope to get to that point for a few of my vices one day. What if I ever need that bridge? It takes a lot of strength to burn it down. It's much easier to lightly cover the trail behind and say, "I'll be able to find my way back to the bridge if need be." But at least I have the courage to carry the matches, just in case.


  1. Excellent post. Excellent writing. The image of the overloaded backpack is great, as well as the encouragement to unload the unnecessary baggage.

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  2. I actually have "never" thought about it quite like this. LOL. You make a compelling point that meets with one of my mantras...keep moving forward! Great post.

  3. Sometimes bridges need to be burned for sure. I've seen people who after burning bridges rebuild them again (with destructive relationships and drugs). These of course are bridges we should blow to pieces.

    Thoughtful post.


  4. Excellent post with an excellent point. Wish saying 'never again' were easy, though.

    Hope you’re enjoying the challenge so far!
    --Damyanti, Co-host A to Z Challenge April 2012

    Twitter: @AprilA2Z

  5. Otherwise, you better have amazing self control.

  6. I like that you used the phrase "burning bridges." My husband has a philosophy he's taught our children to never burn your bridges. It's served everyone well as they mature and want to say or do things they'll regret later.

  7. I'm not much of a bridge burner either, I always like the chance to backtrack. It does carry a certain amount of exciting romanticism though; that final goodbye, that sense of finality. I just don't think I'm really brave enough!

  8. What a beautifully written post. I never thought about this in terms of burning bridges, but the idea is very powerful.

  9. Burning birdges can sometimes be very hard to burn. I need to burn a burn a bridge and build a new one which isn't easy when the other person don't want to know.

    Enjoyed your N post.

  10. I try not to burn bridges - life's more interesting when you keep the possiblities open.


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