Monday, May 21, 2012

Lightning Flashed!

I found this Flash Fiction Blogfest yesterday and was really excited to participate. Thank you to Cherie Reich for hosting it!

Here are the rules:
  1. Entries must begin with the two words: Lightning flashed.
  2. Entries must be 300 words or less.
  3. Entries must be posted on your blog between May 21 - 23.
  4. You must sign up in the linky to have your entry counted.
My flash fiction clocks in at exactly 300 words (including the title)! I hope you enjoy it, and the links to the other awesome bloggers participating is posted below, so be sure to check them out!

Facing the Pane

Lightning flashed, and I wished I hadn’t been looking out the window when it did. For a split second, I saw her standing on the sidewalk facing my house, her carmine dress and stringy blond hair drenched and dripping from the rising storm. Then she was gone again, swallowed by the unforgiving darkness as thunder tolled ominously overhead.
I didn’t know her well, but I was there. Everyone at school knew what had happened, but only a few of us knew the truth. She had visited all the others in the group and now she was visiting me. I couldn’t peel myself away from the window, from her still silhouette.
When lightning flashed again, she appeared halfway up my front yard, her body deathly still, her eyes fixed on me. My hand shook as I clutched the curtain with white knuckles, but I couldn’t let it fall. I couldn’t let her out of my sight—even if all I could see was her spectral shadow standing slightly more than a striking distance away.
The next thunderclap shook the house. The storm was directly overhead. She was right here in front of me, shrouded, but I could still picture her clearly. I could still hear her screaming. I could still—
My muscles tensed involuntarily and sweat trickled down my face as I awaited the next flash. And when it came, where she had been stationed was once again empty. I leaned in closer, placed my free hand against the frosted pane, and scanned the yard. That was when I saw her statuesque figure slowly ascending my two front steps.
I waited for the lightning’s better half, but it didn’t come, only the fierce rapping of my final visitor at the front door.
Lightning flashed; the door swung open.


41 comments:

  1. Oh, yeah! Creepy and captivating. I love the slow approach of the girl/ghost, and how well you interwove the lightning theme of the blogfest -- this wasn't just a "'lightning flashed' and then a bunch of unrelated stuff happened" story. ;^)

    Very nice!

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  2. I agree with Chris--good use of the lightning flashes not just to set the scene but to help tell the story.

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  3. oh, I loved it!! great writing here, it really emphasized the fear. My heart was racing.. omg what was she going to do!

    Andrea

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  4. Thank you for entering my 2nd Annual Flash Fiction Blogfest! The six finalists will be announced on Friday, May 25th. I will further comment on your entry on Thursday.

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  5. Oh crap! He's dead.
    Great tension, Michael.

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  6. Fantastic! I really enjoyed this.

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  7. Absolutely love it; so creepy, and I can see every single moment of that so clearly. Great piece.

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  8. First of all, let me say I LOVE the look of your blog. Great ambiance. Second, I echo everyone else. Awesome tension, great build up, wonderful ending.

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  9. LOVED it Very creepy very dark I LOVED IT

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  10. Wow, this is excellent! So creepy and the tension was fantastic. Great work, I'm so impressed!

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  11. Great entry... Creepy and suspenseful. You kind of feel sorry for the guy but we don't know what happened to make this ghost seek revenge.

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  12. Great use of the lightning theme, Michael! This was a tense scene.

    Allison (Geek Banter)

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  13. JeffO, thanks!

    Chris, thanks, I wanted every detail to be relevant.

    Colin, thanks so much!

    Andrea, I guess we'll never know. :)

    Cherie, I'm excited!

    Alex, possibly...haha.

    Dana, thank you!

    Angeline, thanks, glad you liked it. :)

    Crystal, thank you and thanks to Lori at Imaginations Design.

    Nephylim, thanks, I love creepy.

    Julie, thanks!

    Julie D., thanks, but I wouldn't feel sorry for my if I were you.

    Allison, Thank you!

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  14. Great story. Always love the macabre.

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  15. Fantastic, intriguing story. Guess, it isn't going to end well for him.
    I loved the blog design specially the cool header.

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  16. Bethie, thanks!

    Rek, thank you, and it probably isn't.

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  17. Scary. You really succeed in building the tension. I keep wondering what happened that brought her to his window.

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  18. very creepy, reminded me a little of The Monkey's Paw *shudder*

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  19. Oh wow, seriously creepy. Great writing!

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  20. Fantastic tension! I cringed each time lightning flashed. Well done.

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  21. I think I held my breath the whole time while reading this...in fact I pretty sure I was. Very creepy in the most excellent way!

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  22. Mary, thanks, I imagine to be a very tragic story.

    Marcy, I should read that! :)

    Amy, thank you!

    Christine, thanks, that was my hope. :)

    Elise, thank you, I so appreciate the comment!

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  23. SCARY! Close the door! Close the door!

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  24. NICE, a ghost story!!! The imagery of the lightning flashes making the apparition appear to "jump" closer and closer naturally made me think of the movie, The Ring. Ghosts that float around slowly are not scary... but flash some lights and make it appear anywhere at any time and you've got some serious creep factor. I think that method was a great choice and went very well with the theme. In addition, I do love a good cliffhanger ending, but even better was the amount of suspense you were able to fit into just a few paragraphs. When he pressed his face against the window, I was on the edge of my seat because I expected her to be at the window, but instead, you replace the sound of thunder with her knocking at the door... fantastic. Are you going to continue or is this it?

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  25. Very creepy indeed! Now I'm wondering what really happened to the poor girl to make her ghost come after all these people. I noticed the guy was scared, but it's like he knew it was coming.

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  26. Very creepy with a nice build. I can't help but wonder what happens next

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  27. To turn a phrase''very creepy' and very good.

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  28. Wow, brilliant! I could picture it all as it happened, scary! Great story :)

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  29. Intense, gripping story! Nice job!

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  30. That was so creepy and so well written. Fantastic story!

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  31. Wow! I wonder what they did to her. This would make a great horror movie.

    I'll announce the finalists tomorrow.

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  32. O_O I kept thinking: "RUN!!!! Don't know where. But RUN!!!"

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  33. Great end to this one. I couldn't help feel that the narrator was more than a little guilty for what had happened to the girl, he almost seemed to be accepting his fate at the end.

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  34. Intense! I think it would be terrific if you expanded on this story, giving us all the gory buildup to this brilliant, climactic scene.
    Some Dark Romantic

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  35. Jenn, thanks!

    T, thanks for the in depth comment! For now, this is it, but I may revisit it sometime. I have a continuation idea from another perspective.

    Charity, me knew it was inevitable, but hoped he'd never see her again.

    Heather, thanks, me too!

    Farawayeyes, thank you!

    Laura, glad you liked it. :)

    Tyrean, thanks!

    Sylvia, thank you! :)

    Cherie, thanks, I didn't hear the details, but it was bad.

    Misha, he could have, but she would just waited for him to come home.

    Diego, I think it would be hard for anyone to just accept, but guilty, yes.

    Mina, I do like gory, but I ran out of words.

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  36. Wonderfully eerie. Leaves me wanting to hear what she does next. Nicely done.

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  37. Oh my god. That was amazing :)

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  38. Great suspense and description, could sense the characters acceptance

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  39. Von, thanks, me too.

    Anna, thank you. :)

    Medeia, thanks so much!

    SJP, thank you!

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