Tuesday, June 12, 2012

First Fight!

Thank you to Jackie: Bouquet of Books and Dani: Entertaining Interests for hosting the First Fight / First Kiss Blogfest! Today is First Fight. The scene below is from Provex City, Oliver's first fight at school against the king bully, Sasha. Enjoy!

We walked past the science building and through the quad. Along the way I noticed the three guys from gym class. They sat with a larger group of guys and girls. Just the sight of them brought back the fury of the incident in the locker room. I tried not to look at them, but I couldn’t help glancing over.
“Hey, Nut Grain!” one of them yelled. “Who’s your girlfriend?”
“She’s a little out of your league, don’t you think?”
Desiree and I kept walking, and I tried my best to ignore them. I had a hard enough time dealing with them when there were only three, and now the group contained eight or more.
“Who are they?” Desiree asked. We were almost across the quad.
“Some guys in my gym class,” I said, clenching my fists.
“Nut Grain! Aren’t you gonna introduce us?”
Desiree turned and shouted back, “Shut up, jerks!”
Everyone in the group laughed and the verbal assaults continued. “Now we know who wears the pants in the relationship. And it sure ain’t you, Nut Grain.”
I stopped. My nails were digging into my palms. We had almost reached the humanities building. The doors were in sight. Desiree tugged at my arm, pleading with me to take those last few steps.
“Listen to your girlfriend. Keep walking and show us how scared Newbie really is.”
Apprehensively, I turned to face my aggressors. It was Sasha doing most of the talking. He stood in front of his group, staring me down. Students from other groups began to tune in to the escalating conflict.
“What are you gonna do?” he asked, not laughing anymore.
I was sweating under my clothes and my knees shook, which hopefully didn’t show. Desiree continued to tug at my arm.
“Watch out, he might trip and fall into you,” Greg shouted, looking as menacing as ever with his shaved head. That got people in the group laughing again, but not Sasha. He was dead serious.
I took a step forward, despite Desiree’s efforts and the screaming in my head that I should turn around. What are you doing?!
The group quieted, anticipating my next step.
I had no idea what I was going to do. I had never been in a fight before, but I saw one unfolding before me. I was afraid to move forward, but terrified of backing down. What are you doing, stupid?!
“What’s your problem with me?” I said, taking another step, then another, and another, until I found myself purposefully walking toward him, breaking through my petrified state.
He shrugged. “Does it really matter? Maybe I want to see if you have what it takes to shoot yourself in the face.”
“It’s not gonna happen.” I stopped at an arm’s length away from him. The rest of his group stood up and encircled us. I now wished I had just turned away, the fear and claustrophobia became overwhelming.
“I believe in you, Newbie,” he said with a smirk and, before I even knew what was happening, he punched me just below the breastplate.
I sank to my knees, coughing and wheezing, and gasping for air. My eyes welled up and I couldn’t catch my breath. A stabbing pain resonated throughout my abdomen.
“Get up! Get up, Nut Grain!” Sasha yelled. The group surrounding us cheered and laughed.
Someone yelled, “Fight…fight!” and more students came running.
Sasha paced around my crumpled body. “Get up, Boy!”
My eyes cleared and some strength returned to my legs. There were cheers coming from all around—there must have been dozens of students surrounding us now. I heard the cries of Desiree from somewhere behind me, as she tried to break into the circle. But the front ring of guys held her back.
I stood up, tried to forget about the humiliation, and looked at my attacker with a fury I had never felt before. I clenched my fists together and took a wild swing, scraping only air. Sasha kicked at my knees and they buckled, dropping me to the ground again. I grabbed his leg and tried to yank him down, but he broke free and kicked me in the stomach while I was still knelt over. Again, I fought through a fit of coughing and wheezing. Desiree yelled from the background, trying desperately to stop the fight. I was losing strength fast. I probably wouldn’t even be able to stand. I was weak and losing. Sasha was bigger, stronger, and obviously more experienced.
I stood up again, a little dizzy and nauseous, swaying on my feet. Desiree continued to yell for help, but no one seemed to be coming. I was scared; my whole body hurt and throbbed. All I had was myself. I had to do something.
And I did.
Sasha stood in front of me with a confident grin. I threw him off guard by suddenly lunging at him, taking us both to the ground and breaking open the circle. Due to some screaming and swearing, I think we knocked down a few other students, but I couldn’t make out what was happening. I had my hands locked around his body and accidently head-butted him in the face as we hit the ground. Sasha tried to grapple me into a headlock with one arm and threw punches with the other. I released my hold to defend myself and threw some punches of my own. We rolled around as a mass of flailing limbs. I felt pain from the punches I received and the punches I threw, some finding him and others finding the ground. There was no constraint or strategy at this point, just feral attacks by any means necessary.
The crowd cheered and chanted, now sounding muffled and distant. I was fighting for my life and had no idea whether I was winning or losing.
Suddenly, a hand grabbed the handle of my backpack and pulled me off Sasha with inexplicable force. I was practically yanked off the ground and landed on unstable feet, with my arms still flailing out in front of me. Tears and blood ran down my face and my eyes were shut tight.
“Break it up!” a familiar voice yelled.
As I opened my eyes, I noticed I wasn’t fighting Sasha anymore. He was still on the ground with rips in his shirt and blood on his arms and face, propped up on his elbows. He looked furious, but didn’t move.
“Everyone, get out of here! Go back to your lunches!”
I turned to see who was still grasping my backpack and saw the welcoming face of Mr. Gordon.

Thanks for reading! Now, be sure to check out these other blogs participating in First Fight / First Kiss.


  1. Great extract; the sense of fear really comes across well. In fact, I wanted to yell at him to walk away as well.

  2. Excellent excerpt! Such a perfect description of a school fight, and you made the feelings very real.

  3. Great excerpt, very believable and I love how you described his feelings of fear and anger, brilliant! :)

  4. Nice work, Michael. You do a great job bringing the visual to life and putting us right there in the moment :D What a fun blogfest!

  5. That excerpt is awesome. I already have Provex City on my Kindle and can't wait to get more time to really sink myself into it. I especially loved how you interjected just the right amount of dialogue to make the action flow. Plus, you spelled newbie like I would have spelled it (most people spell it as noobie).

  6. Nice job, Michael. Love it when the MC has guts. :)

  7. Great job! Love the fight, as well as the feelings and turmoil all wrapped up inside of Oliver.

    Thanks for participating in our blogfest!

    P.S. I got an email with your comment, but it's not on my blog. So, I think blogger ate it! I just wanted you to know so you weren't, like, what the heck? LOL

  8. Oh, god, I've been there. Very realistic! Great fight scene!

  9. What an exciting scene! I felt like I was there! No getting sick either :)

  10. So good! I love the tension that drips from every line. I really enjoy your style. You go, Michael!

  11. Nice job with the tension of the scene. Gotta love a good fight.

  12. Sounds like a cool story. (I skipped over to the page with the description.) Good to see he stood up for himself.

    Nut grain. That's original!

  13. Nut Grain! Love it... I'm wondering how he got that name. Love this boy meets group fight scene. Like right out of my hs courtyard.

    Thanks for sharing with us!

  14. Oh man, this is so good it makes me want to read more!!

    Good thing I can :)

    You did a great job with YA voice/feel and I loved the action.


  15. Angeline, but then the fight would be over, that's no fun. :)

    Kyra, thank you! :)

    Laura, I'm glad you liked it!

    Morgan, thanks!

    Michael, I never even thought of the other spelling, but now that I know...yeah, I like our way better. Thanks!

    Mina, thanks so much!

    Jackie, Damn blogger! ***shaking fist in the air*** Glad you liked it. :)

    Jaycee, I hope you were just looking and not actually in the fight.

    Heather, I'm feeling better, the positive thinking worked again!

    Gina, Thanks so much! :)

    Nicole, they're fun to write. :)

    Suzi, he doesn't start out as a fighter, but he becomes one. Thanks!

    Danielle, I pictured it at my HS. Thanks!

    Andrea, thanks so much, I hope you like the rest! :)

  16. Always cool reading that excerpt and picturing Foothill.

  17. I'm going to download your book just to find out the history behind "Nut Grain"... I actually had to pause my reading of this excerpt to stop giggling, remind myself that this was serious business, then continue on. And I just now took an extra 30 seconds to type this comment because I started laughing again. Ok, ok.. all immaturity aside, this really was a brilliant descriptive of a first fight. From "We rolled around as a mass of flailing limbs" to "I was fighting for my life and had no idea whether I was winning or losing" was really great... and so realistic and believable. I had no trouble rooting for Oliver and I can't wait to read more!

    P.S. "Nut Grain"... hehehehehehehe! :-)

  18. James, oh no! The secret's out.

    T, I'm glad you liked it and that the nickname hit a cord with you. Haha. :)

  19. Yup, I like the unique nickname too. in some ways this makes me glad I was not a guy who had to defend his territory/pride. Excellent fight.

  20. "Nut Grain" I love it!! Nice snippet here! And the name Desiree is in my new WIP.
    Nice to meet you! :)

  21. Crystal, thank you! :)

    Pk, thanks, it's nice to meet you too! :)

  22. Holy moly that was intense. I'm sure we've all be there in the past, bullied and taunted by someone who just won't leave us alone. I was rooting for Oliver throughout, and on the edge of my seat as the action unfolded. You described the sights, sounds and emotions of a school-yard fight perfectly.

  23. Nicely done! That was so realistic! I think most times people end up in a fight and don't have a clue what to do, way to capture this!

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